I like to share my truths with you all because if not, my blog becomes one-sided and doesn't completely portray the way life works out. The ups and downs, ins and outs. I like to share because someone somewhere needs to hear this. They need to know that they are not alone in the things they experience. They need to know that sometimes, feelings waiver and that is okay.
Something happens every time I get to the point where I tell myself it's time to make a change and start acting towards my goals. You know, take one step forward and three steps back. I tend to go through these phases where I get randomly inspired, but to an extreme level. It lasts for about a week or two, then it fizzles out and somehow I'm back to not being inspired again. Currently, I'm having a hard time finding ways to be motivated to actually progress. It's hard for me to take words/thoughts and convert them to plans of action. Truth be told, I spend more time trying to motivate myself than actually being inspired to create. I've come to the conclusion that the more I lack motivation, the closer I am to the brink of greatness. But of course the hardest part is just pushing myself through the funk.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and ask myself what it is I'm doing in life and what I'm doing it for. When I really take the time to sit and think about it, it seems like the answer is nothing at all. I think about where I could be if I actually applied myself. I tell myself that I would have so much more if I actually wanted everything I say I do, because my logic is that if you really want something, you'll work your butt off to achieve it. Then, here's the worst part, I start to compare myself and my lack of progress to others. That'll get anybody down.
That happened to me last week. I was praying one morning for God to invoke some form of inspiration in me (a constant prayer of mine). The more I started to pray out loud, the sadder I got. In the midst of my prayer, I began to think about all the steps I should've been taking and where I could potentially be today. Then I started to feel sorry for myself because there's no way I could want to achieve all the things I talk about while doing nothing about it. Surely I'd have to find another path and figure something out. I carried that thought with me throughout the day, feeling sorry for myself because I didn't think I was good enough.
Of course, that didn't last long. I often thank God for the amazing people I have in my life. They always encourage me at the right moments, whether they're aware of the situation or not. It's similar to a "talk you off the ledge" feeling and it works every time. Sometimes I need to be reminded of the whats and whys, that I am of value and entirely capable. They give me just enough to then push myself through my feelings of doubt and insecurity.
My rambling isn't in vain. I want you all to know it is okay to have moments of doubt and feelings of inadequacy. It's normal and what makes us human. However, it's up to us whether or not we stay in that mindset. We have the tools, whether internal or external, to push through and continue to greatness. Just know that fear, doubt and self-pity are not of God. So if that's what you're feeling, do all you can to shake it. Victory is on the other side.